2009. Live. Let-Live. Love

I am growing old, and my memory no longer retains information as well as it should. This unfortunate truth forces me to write; memory falters, but written words are eternal.

This year marked a new chapter in my life. Unceremoniously ripped away from the fortress of solitude which surrounded me in an international high school, I was pushed into the real, oftentimes vicious, world. Luckily I was armed with the requisite knowledge, gained through experiences, and an army of great friends, to help me defend myself against villains that aim to rob my soul of happiness and purpose.

Entering college, and having to think seriously about my future, precipitated an unprecedented rush of thought, which was at times overwhelming. Further, reading about instances of barbarism and brutality in my Jamaica strained my efforts at emotional composure, as I was powerless to altering the circumstances, which lead to the many nihilistic forms of violent actions meted out. Social work and activism became my obsessions, and I shrewdly decided to explore knowledge areas that could empower me with the intellectual knowledge needed to be a force of change in the world. Seven years of Biology and Chemistry were put behind me; Development and Gender studies beckoned, and received my attention.

I am eternally grateful for the priceless opportunity I was given, to study in high school. Unfortunately, ending in May, the towering trees of the forest would no longer protect me from the hatred and insensitivity, which pervades the air everywhere else. I will always miss living in that 'fake' world (as we used to say), where everyone was respected, if not loved. I could say, “I think there are three Gods, and they live in the sea.” “Oh really FP? That is interesting; from where do you derive that belief,” someone would question. You could think, and through conversation develop your thoughts, where otherwise you would be silenced for making outlandish claims, which were irrelevant to daily life. We often disagreed, nonetheless we listened to each other. We would talk for hours in large gatherings (a pain then), because everyone had something to say and everyone’s opinion was valid. In the real world, people exude skepticism, cynicism, and distrust. They hear, but they do not listen; they smile outwardly, but in their hearts they grimace. Good friends are hard to come by in this situation, because people have innumerable inhibitions, which prevent them from letting go of their insecurities and their egos. I want to get to know you, won’t you let me?

I am no paragon of virtue, and am no model human. I believe the same is true of all you us. Who then, gave you the moral authority to criticize my life, and the decisions I make that propel me to action? I never judge you, yet you unreservedly define the moral deficiencies in my logic. When will we ever learn to stop being so selfish? Why must we continue to impose our limited moralities on those with which we interact? “Watch your language sir!” “She’s such a slut!” “He’s gay!” Homosexuality, fornication, the use of explicit language and the like, constitute a depraved moral sense. Good, then as a ‘morally upright’ individual, don’t fall victim to such degenerate behaviors. There is no need to condemn others, for doing so will not make you more righteous. People are too partial with their love and respect. This is unfortunate, because self-conscious individuals, who constantly live to please others, will never grow. Inhibitions stifle possibilities, life. JUST BE YOU! *Heavy sigh*

Be the change that you want to see in the world (Mahatma Gandhi). If only we could all realize our inherent potentials to influence change and development in the world. With education we have become good at identifying problems, but solutions and the will power needed to achieve them, are hardly forthcoming. They say we are leaders of tomorrow, but we are not powerless now; we have a powerful voice that we are not using.

I know the future holds great rewards for diligent efforts in any regard. There have been many interesting developments in my life, which convince me that the near future will bring much excitement. I am becoming a man, with challenges to overcome, and goals within reach. I promise to further explore my passions, and will inch closer to the achieving the change I want to see. I desire to live in a more harmonious world; won’t you help me create it?

Bring it on 2009! Mi redi lang taim (I am ready!). :D