Wednesday, May 6, 2009

When Home is not Home

When I left Jamaica two years ago, I was sure I would never return to live. I giggled nervously as I sat in the plane in Montego Bay, excited about the new world that awaited me in Canada. Weirdly enough, my love for Jamaica grew while I was away, and instead of constantly trying to run from the labyrinthine complexity of Jamaica's social problems, I desired to work to find solutions to them.

For over a year, the horrid reports of social dysfunction, which graced the pages of the Gleaner, haunted my every thought. I threw tantrums; I cried; I complained; I wrote. One wonders why, when the very society I started to care deeply for made me an outcast in my youth- I hated myself growing up, and constantly wished myself dead. I have come to a point now when I must acknowledge my obligations to my family; but I cannot continue to live like this--- constantly aching for solutions that are not forthcoming. Even if they were, there is not much that I could do to actually implement them.

I always asked of others, "if we don't go home, who will?" But I now understand why people stay away. I must now allow my individual aspirations to be stymied by fantastical visions of what Jamaica is to be. Frankly, I am tired of waking up each morning with the weight of a nation on my conscience. This of course is a symptom of my own weaknesses. Javed, WAKE UP!!! I finally made up my mind, I will not live in Jamaica anytime in the near future. Hopefully now I can set my sights on other, more attainable ambitions.

I hasten to remind myself of the reasons I desired to leave my island home in the first place. They weren't petty then and certainly aren't today.


  1. For hottest news you have to pay a quick visit internet and on world-wide-web I found
    this web page as a most excellent web page for hottest updates.

    Here is my blog post - diets that work
    Also see my web site :: safe diets

  2. Hmm is anyone else experiencing problems with the pictures on this blog loading?

    I'm trying to determine if its a problem on my end or if it's the
    blog. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

    Feel free to visit my web site: bmi Chart

  3. That is a good tip especially to those fresh to the blogosphere.
    Simple but very accurate info… Thanks for sharing this one.
    A must read post!

    Also visit my weblog: raspberry ketone diet

  4. Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your web site and in
    accession capital to assert that I get actually enjoyed account your blog posts.
    Anyway I'll be subscribing to your augment and even I achievement you access consistently fast.

    Visit my web blog: diet plans for women

  5. I always used to study article in news papers but now as I am a user of internet so from now I
    am using net for content, thanks to web.

    my homepage - bmr calculator to lose weight


Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.